We thought we had the perfect gift for Uncle Sheps — until we saw the naked women

Some gifts are better not given.

My younger brother Matthew and I discovered this together when I was about 10 or 11 years old and he was maybe seven.

We wanted to get a Christmas present for my Uncle Sheps — a nickname derived from his last name, Sheppard — and the two of us went shopping with a small amount of parent-provided cash.

Sheps was a bachelor who lived in an apartment building just a few blocks from us and, for years growing up, he was a regular figure in our house.

He came over to do laundry, helped with a basement renovation, looked after me and my brother, and even cooked sometimes. Hamburger Helper was so routine that it became “Sheps Special,” and we joked that his brownies from a mix unfailingly became rock hard within an hour or two of baking. We still ate them.

Sheps liked hockey and beer and, when we visited his apartment, we learned he liked Sunshine Girls, too. He had a wall calendar with the pictures of local women in bikinis printed by the Toronto Sun.

It would be the perfect present, we thought, and Matt and I headed to the nearby Mac’s Milk to pick one up. But the store was sold out, so we got a substitute. A Playboy calendar.

When we got home with the gift, we took off the plastic wrapping — it included a sticker with the price and we didn’t want to be tacky.

We were shocked to see that the women in this calendar were not, in fact, wearing bikinis.

Unsure what to do, we decided to destroy the evidence. We got scissors and began cutting the calendar up, pausing only when my 80-year-old great-grandmother came into the bedroom she was sharing with me for the holidays.

Her sensible heels tapped on the body parts scattered across the bedroom floor. But remarkably, she didn’t seem to notice what was there.

We had gotten away with it, but now we had no present for Uncle Sheps.

My brother and I ended up confessing it all.

Sheps marched directly over to the Mac’s — he was a regular customer — and bawled out the owner for selling us the calendar.

A few years later, Sheps played a Christmas prank on me, wrapping my gift in a box for a cordless telephone, cutting-edge technology at the time.

I was thrilled at first — imagine being able to talk on the phone in the privacy of my room! — and then crushed when I discovered the trick. Matt maintains to this day that I cried, but that is a lie.

I can’t remember now what the real gift was, but I long ago forgave Uncle Sheps for that little bit of deception. I’ve probably (definitely) even used the ploy of wrapping a present in a box for something else myself.

But I never lost the love for the fun and laughter that comes with swapping presents with family over the holidays.

Last weekend, my husband and I took my teenage stepsons out to deliver gift boxes from the Toronto Star Santa Claus Fund.

In almost every home, there was a young child or two, peeking out from behind a parent’s legs or excitedly pulling the door open when we knocked.

We got big smiles as we handed over gleaming green gift boxes, each with the promise of something fun inside.

The Star’s Santa Claus Fund will deliver gift boxes to at least 50,000 children under the age of 12. The boxes are labelled with each child’s name and contain age-appropriate, gender-neutral toys and clothing, as well as treats and toothbrush and toothpaste.

The fund’s goal this year is to raise $1.5 million. For any readers generously considering a donation, I assure you that none of the gift boxes contain a Playboy calendar.

If you have been touched by the Santa Claus Fund or have a story to tell, please email santaclausfund@thestar.caChristine Dobby is a business reporter at the Toronto Star. Follow her on Twitter, @christinedobby.

GOAL: $1.5 million

TO DATE: $1,018,984

How to donate

With your gift, you can help provide holiday gift boxes that inspire hope and joy to 50,000 underprivileged children.

Online: To donate by Visa, Mastercard or Amex, use our secure form at thestar.com/santaclausfund

By cheque: Mail to The Toronto Star Santa Claus Fund, One Yonge St., Toronto, ON M5E 1E6

By phone: Call 416-869-4847

To volunteer: scfvolunteer@thestar.ca

The Star does not authorize anyone to solicit on its behalf. Tax receipts will be issued.