The ‘mom types’ trend is silly but irresistible. So which type are you: silky, crunchy, almond or … scrunchie?

When you become a parent, you join a fun subset of folks chronically vulnerable to expectations, advice, snark and side-eye. Mothers receiving extra heat isn’t new — it’s just another way women’s behaviour is judged every day. Take the recent resurgence on TikTok of “mom types” with names like Almond, Crunchy and Silky (who’s coining these names — the nut butter industry?). Note that there are no equivalent dad types, unless you count the stereotypical incompetence-weaponizing man baby.

On the one hand, it’s all so silly. Mothers contain multitudes. I see the incredible mothers I know in each of these types and I’m in awe of them all. But these labels also feed into the very natural anxiety of wondering which type of mother you are and how you measure up, as well as the desire to connect with a community that won’t judge you. So no judgment. I’m a Scrunchie mom with a Crunchy underbelly, a Silky sheen and hopefully zero Almond tendencies. Let’s meet the “mom types” trending on timelines everywhere.

Crunchy moms have been around since the late ’60s, when flower children started having real children. Bohemian and laid-back — with few rules beyond the reduce, reuse, recycle — they’re connoisseurs of granola that boasts too many teeth-cracking ingredients. Crunchy moms fear plastic, processed sugar and “Paw Patrol,” of course. If you’re a Crunchy, you may eschew social media altogether on (legit) grounds that it’s not good for our collective mental health. If you are online, you rock steady with the homesteaders.

Characteristics

The extreme end of a Silky mom is one who uses and perhaps abuses every modern convenience. Not only does she use disposable diapers, she doesn’t pretend to care about how much plastic her kid’s butt has sent to the landfill. A Silky mom gets the epidural, vaccinates and medicates her kids, and lets them drink pop. She lacks the belief that women should fake it for public consumption; she refuses to do the dance of who’s doing motherhood better. Silkies are chill about everything from screen time to high-fructose corn syrup. They most closely resemble working moms of the ’80s who let their kids live free range and had a freezer full of frozen food.

Characteristics

Scrunchie moms are meant to be the relatable middle, the “every mom” halfway between Crunchy and Silky. The hashtag has found footing with women who don’t see themselves as extreme, but it’s also met with an eye roll — yet another invented label to pit mothers against one another.

Characteristics

These are the moms creating content from #GRWM to #nightroutine. The moms who rarely changed a diaper they didn’t document (“Can you poop for mommy again? Your onesie is covering the brand logo. #ad”). They’re also the moms who found a career that allows them flexibility and ownership, a feat working mothers everywhere can appreciate.

Characteristics

Almond mom can be traced back to a 2013 episode of “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” in which model Gigi Hadid tells her housewife mother Yolanda that she’s “feeling really weak” after eating “half an almond,” to which her mother suggests she “eat a few and chew them really well.” Might as well burn some extra calories with a jaw workout! Yolanda later poked fun at herself and explained that it was taken out of context, but a new type was born. Almond moms at their most toxic are vain victims of diet culture who inflict their issues on their daughters by being weird about food and exercise. At the other end of the spectrum, they’re more like the below.

Characteristics

a) on the cusp or is already a major (insert competitive sport) mom

b) may be reliving past glories

c) may tell you about said glories on more than one occasion